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I hear so much about Fatherless sons/daughters. But what about Motherless daughters? This may sound cliché’ but there is significance behind my love for Marilyn Monroe. I understand her feelings of loneliness, anxiety ridden, so misunderstood…Most will say she was a sex symbol because she was a loose woman. I disagree, I see a Motherless daughter who wanted to be LOVED. Not for her body but for the Real Norma Jean Baker (M.M.) I tend to believe dreaming is better than thinking sometimes, as did she. Mental Illness can make you feel so isolated so alienated from Earth because it is such a misunderstood epidemic. Anyway, I am 29 years old and I feel like a little girl. Feel like I cant make decisions right or confidently, feel like I am not worthy but deep down I know I deserve more…No sense I know. I feel like I don’t know how to figure out who I am. When you are tore down and names are thrown at you by people that are supposed to be your biggest fan, its hard to shake off. It debilitates you, stresses you so that you become physically sick. So I cling harder and closer to Jesus. For He is my only TRUE friend.
Scarred Lace 
My Mother didn’t die or anything, but she let me get abused and abandoned me because I was causing too much trouble with her man. Feeling like your Mother didn’t love you, or not having a Mother leaves such a gaping hole in a person’s soul, a Mother is the one person who is meant to love you no matter what, look after you when you’re sick, make it all better, but this was not my experience and it makes you feel like something is broken inside you. It’s something I’m still getting over but I’ve learned not to blame myself, now I blame her. And that’s where I’m at, one day soon I’m going to send her a letter, because she’s in denial and blames me, and I’m going to tell her all of my feelings and thoughts on what happened, send the letter and hopefully start to move on with my life. I hope you find some peace too
Oh bless your heart! thank you so much for sharing your story. My mother lives 3 hours away from me, gave me up to my paternal grandparents before I was 1 yr old. Ive always heard stories and I know that my stepdad abused me before I turned 1 because my Dad finally told me. And like you EVERYTHING is my fault, Im the black sheep always has been always will be. When I was about 15 me and mom started talking more but it always turned into a physical altercation (NOTE: I NEVER ONCE hit that woman back!) My little brother was and is the golden child…When I had my son 3 yrs ago, my mom helped ALOT, we got along good, but then I could tell SHE was trying to play the “moma card” with MY baby and we continued to argue. She had control over everything, my paycheck, keys to my apartment (which I later found out she would go in and out while I was at work trying to find “bad” things ???) what in the hell?? It has always felt like she has Absolutely NO maternal instinct toward me, and only wants a relationship with my 3 yr old. I AM SORRY BUT I AM MAMA BEAR when it comes to my cub, so of course if the woman gives me nightmares, makes me cringe etc. OF COURSE I don’t trust her alone with my child… Because I also know she wont respect me and my choices as his mother. You mentioned that you were going to write your mom, girl I sent my mom 2 emails since March. Pouring my heart out letting her know that I only wanted her to be proud of me and love me as her daughter..She wrote me back “I appreciate the email. There is no other young woman I want a relationship with.”……………That showed me right there that all she cares about is getting to my child, guess she thinks it will help justify her actions of abandonment and abuse toward me and make her look and feel better in the eyes of the Lord. Last May she called me so many despicable names and assaulted me that it triggered psoriatic arthritis in my body. I found out it can be brought on by a tramautic experience. It hurts my heart very bad because I am so not the woman she has come to believe I am. She told me that I was JEALOUS because she loves my son!!!! WTH!!!! I feel confident tho that I did what God wanted me to do and I forgave her and even confessed my own wrong actions, then I even reached out to her AGAIN and she blew me off…So its her problem now, because I could NEVER lay my head down at night knowing I hurt my child so bad that they now see a psychiatrist regularly. To top it off, she is VERY active in her church, in the choir, and sings every Sunday with 5 others. BUT in the meantime she has told that entire congregation that I have taken her grandchild away and that I will not let her see him. My own MOTHER slandering me like Im just another chick off the street!! My sister in law told me ALOT my mother was telling and talking about to people about me. And Its sick!!!
** I am very sorry for what you have had to endure. It is my opinion 😉 that you should write her and tell her the ABSOLUTE TRUTH of YOUR FEELINGS. It will help you, regardless if she “gets” it or not. Mine is still in denial even after I finally told her the truth. But I feel better that MY TRUTH got heard by her, because honey WE, ME & YOU are NOT bad people, and it is NOT OUR FAULT that they OBVIOUSLY need to dig a little deeper, take their meds ON TIME, and face the truth of their actions!!! Thank you again for reaching out. It means a lot friend!!
Stay in touch! and Know “YOU GOT THIS GIRL”! The Bible says that the ones who suffer the most will be greatly rewarded one day, because of our suffering we must cling to the Fact that GOD has great blessings in store for us. He knows our hearts and that is all that matters 😉
I truly wish I had your faith, I thought I had rediscovered it recently but it was tainted by a horrible person claiming to love God and be all about God. But none the less we can still relate to one another, I know exactly what you mean, they make themselves out to be the victim in the situation and express no signs of being sorry, they never see their part in what’s happened. It’s so sad, I definitely will be writing the letter soon, it’s just going to be quite emotional so I’m a bit timid about doing it. Not usual for me really lol keep in touch lovely 🙂
I feel ya, people get on my nerves anyway so her being my mother makes it that much more annoying. It will def. be a weight off your shoulders…It will give you the freedom to move on with YOUR life…she can deal with herself just like mine can too…..Just because they may have went thru things in their childhood doesn’t mean anything either because I would die before I made my child feel the way my mother has made me feel. I honestly had to get it out of me, I felt like it was a poison that I had to get rid of QUICK…Your right tho, you do it when YOU get ready! & Let me know! Its refreshing to talk to someone who UNDERSTANDS!!!!!
P.S. And girl I am still working on my faith, Im still not as courageous as I know I will be and honestly its only been in the last 6 months that I have really turned to GOD and truly leaned on Him. Wish it wouldn’t have taken me so long to realize LIFE. But then again, who was there to teach us at the most critical times in our life – NOT MOTHER. The Lord has been all I have had, my fiance’ is always working and being a stay at home mom in an apt. with a 3 yr old will MAKE U CRAZY thinking so damn much!
So remember, you and I are just works in progress 😉 like fine wines getting better & better with age !