I pray “Lord use me, use my scarred worn weary soul to help others that are hurting”. No I don’t think I have it all figured out, not even close, but lately a sense of “What would JESUS Do?” has come over me, during this very stormy season in my life. Oh I wish people would realize how 1 single word can RIP away at a soul. Abandonment is my #1 enemy, Fear has always been an ever present UNWANTED friend of mine. Thankfully I had a wonderful woman, my great grandmother, that introduced me to my Greatest and Best Friend today, Jesus. 13 years later after her passing, I still miss laying my head on her right arm during church service, too little to understand that she was giving me a very Important SPECIAL GIFT every time I sat on that same pew with her. Every time I asked my great grandfather to read me the story of how Jesus fed thousands with a loaf of bread and a piece of fish, he always obliged. Papa was a quiet man, passing away when I was only 7 years old & the very thing that I remember most about him, he was Always willing to read me that story, it was my favorite. And it was Papa that introduced that story in the Bible to me. I miss them so, I was their little sunshine. First great grandchild, motherless yet It was those days that I felt most loved. For I didn’t really realize at that age that there was ultimately something very different about my life. I was always anxious though, and felt deep within a longing for something, someone….So today I am so very thankful I grew up knowing who Jesus is. Even though I would go on to follow some rough roads, I always remembered Jesus and usually almost always felt a feeling of conviction EVERY SINGLE TIME I knew I was sinning. Oh the times I have strayed from my Father, only to be welcomed with OPEN GRACIOUS LOVING ARMS EVERY SINGLE TIME I came running back with each rock bottom I hit.
Yes GOD is GOOD..ALL THE TIME!!!! Even thru this tornado I have seemed to battle for 6 months, even though I still fail every single day, He loves me. Most of all though, God loves me when I cant seem to love myself.